Divorce, CPS, Criminal Charges, Drug……please help!! Long story short.? August 30, 2010
I started using crystal in Jan. and becme VERY addicted. I told my husband I needed help and he had every excuse possible. On March 11th my mother in law flew in to “help us pack”. She only had a one way ticket though. On the 16th my husband found drugs in my purse and called mp’s and CID. I got 4 counts of possion. On the 23rd he served me with divorce papers. He said they were suposed to be seperation papers. Now he has since gotten a restraining order stating that I am violent! He orginally tried to make me sign over my rights to our 2 year old and when I said no he filed the restraing order. He says that we will work on us when he gets home from Iraq and that he still loves me. His mother and I dont get along and now I feel like she has taken over my life. She tells him what to do and when I say something he says I just hate his mom. I am only allowed supervised visits with my daughter(his mom supervises, she knows how bad I miss him and yet still calls and talks to him when I am around then asks “when I am going to just give up” ), I was only allowed to take my clothes and personal items, and I cant talk to my husband or go home. I do NOT want a divorce! He is not the same man I married. He continues to lie to the courts and is suing me for custody to give to hs mom. He is playing the whole single military dad part for everything when he has been gone 9 monhs of her life! My lawyer doesnt allow me to speak in court. I want to tell my side!! I am leaving for rehab on the 16th as soon as we get out of court. He goes to Iraq on the 28th. How do I fiix this?? How do I win my child even though I screwed up this much? She is all I have left! I feel very betrayed by him. He said that he decided to do this when I brought drugs home. Why call cops and not rehab?? Is there any love left? PLEASE HELP!! I am all alone! Please no answers telling me how bad drugs are, believe me, I KNOW!!! I had a clean record and ran a daycare before I started using. Also will a 2 year old remember this? Also are misdomenors stay on your record?/
Also, my plan is for my daughter to live with my mom while I get help. I know that I can not take care of her now. She will be able to see me on weekends at least. If she goes with his mom neither parent will be there. Yes he was defending our country, I am also in the military. One last thing, I am not saying that this isnt my fault because I know it is and i accept full blame and yes I knew how horrible it was.
Image taken on 2009-10-03 21:16:14 by Sweet One.
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Hey, girl. Good for you for taking this first step toward getting help!
I’ve read and re-read your post, taking a little time to read between the lines, as it were. You’re on the right track, but it sounds like hubby is not. You might want to dig a little deeper in that arena and see if maybe he doesn’t have someone else he’s confiding in.
Keep up the good work!
Sandy
I saw the same incident on the Oprah show.U know something hun?if u want somethin..u have to earn it.If u want yr daughter..u have to learn to take her responsibility.No matter what u say..u know u r into drugs.Crystal meth destroys your mind..literally..causing yr brain to shrink and making holes on your nerves.
However…before u get hold of your daughter..and if u want to..u have to make yourself presentable in front of her so that she doesnt hate u…so that she understands and respects u.U have to get well.
Go to a rehab and take help…u need it sweets…u have to be strong..there is you..there is god..there is your daughter..and there is us..all of us with u.
u r in my prayers…
The best thing for you is to remain clean from whenever to forever. AND to get a job and a home to support yourself and your child. do this from now and forever and go back to court to get joint custody un supervised.
this misdomenor will be on your record for life.
probably calling the cops was a blessing in disguise for you.
most likely there is no love left.
MOST help you can get is from a support group. find one and go there a much as possible.
good luck!
Stop rehashing the past and blaming others.
First and foremost get yourself together. Get clean. Stay clean. Then after 2 years of being clean try to reconnect with your daughter.
Your husband did the right thing. You did not. You should not be around your daughter. Why do you think you should be loved by everybody when you don’t even love yourself?
Your daughter will not remember this, she will only remember the facts people will tell her about you.
it sounds like he has moved on.. probably is involved with someone.. u keep tryin… dont loose hope
YOU Feel BETRAYED. YOU feel betrayed? No sympathy here sister, you didn’t get this messed up by just starting using in January. You screwed up the minute you brought drugs into your life & into your marriage. Your daughter deserves better from her mother. You bring the drugs home? Do you know what would happen if she had gotten ahold of the drugs. Your husband has a lot on his shoulders right now. Thank God, his mother could be here to help pick up the pieces of the lives that you have broken. And your concerns are so selfish. You are going into rehab, you want to know if your 2 year old will remember that Mommy screwed up, should have thought about that before you picked the crap up in the first place. He was right to call the police. Your drugs in his home could cost him his career and the lively hood that puts food on your table, not to mention just made it possible for you to buy the crap in the first place. You should be thankful that your daughter will be taken care of and provided for while you straighten your life out.
Go to rehab, get out become a better person, learn from your mistakes, re-build the trust so that he will let you see your daughter so as she grows you can be the mommy that you need to be. But yes, let go of the marriage he doesn’t need to be worried about the safety of his daughter while he is in Iraq.
Yes your daughter WILL remember this, and yes, your misdomeaner will stay on your record forever. 10 years from now if you get pulled over, that officer will know you had a drug violation in 2007
Chances are a two year old will not remember.
Get into rehab before you loose your nerve.
Get off drugs, help your self first, take one step at a time. First step is get clean and you will need help….
If he said he wants to work on your marriage maybe he does. It’s nice to hear someone admits they have a problem. I’m proud of you. Anyway, he did all these things because of your daughter. Every parent would do the same. Think of it the other way around, you’re the military woman and he’s the addict. Wouldn’t you?
Your laywer won’t allow you to speak on court because you might word vomit. It’s for your own protection. I understand how you feel but these things take time, it can’t just be fixed in an instant. It will be very difficult for you to talk to your husband since he has a restraining order against you, but find a way to show him you changed after rehab.
It will be hard to win over your daughter because now you’ll have a permanent record of possesion, but people can change, and i believe the jury will understand that under the circumstances. I think the best thing to do right now is fix yourself up, before you fix your marriage. Because once you are clean, things will just get better and better.
Good Luck!
well i just don’t know if you can get back your 2 year old but i would keep tried i would not give up and if you get your baby back the Frost one i would tell to get lost would would be the good old mother-law and i would not give up my child not to no one and if your lawyer not do his job than let him go and get you a good one OK
You could try to talk to your MIL or writing her either yourself or through your lawyer. I know she’s being a controlling person in your life, but her motives may be quite reasonable, the protection and care of your daughter. Many would feel that until you’re finished rehab and have a reliable track record, your MIL is a good option for your daughter.
I know you love her and want her with you, but is that really the best and most practical choice right now for you or for your daughter? You can’t take care of her when you’re in rehab and you need some readjustment time when you get out, so try to see your MIL’s involvement in a positive way, rather than as a thief in the night.
Also, if you stop fighting and start negotiating,you might find you have more legal uccess in the long run.
The court will likely return full or shared custody of your daughter to you as soon as you’ve shown you’re clean and will stay clean. Have your lawyer focus on post recovery motions, rather than wrangling now. Fighting now will only make you appear irrational and unwilling to opt for your daughters’ best interests.
As for your relationship with your husband, I think filing for divorce IS the answer to whether you have a future or not. Take it as a resounding NO, and perhaps when you’re healthy again, he may reconsider. Right now, I don’t think he would because it would allow you too much access to your daughter.
Try to keep in mind, they are probably just doing what they think is best for your daughter. If you do the same, it will all work out OK in the end, whether you’re with him or not.
Focus on your recovery, it’s the only thing that will put things right again.
Best of luck to you.
thats really really really sad! i hope you do whatever it takes to get back on track so you can have your daughter again. if she is your heart and soul then you should be able to overcome anything if you really want to get her back. dont take no for an answer and if you hit a wall find a way to climb over it or get through it. dont give up. fight to get your life back on track. you will most likely have to prove to the courts you can be responsible(no drugs) keep a good job for a while before even trying to get her back. if your husband is bieng scandalous towards you thats not good. yea if it was your first time then he should have just called rehab. do what you have to do to prove yourself a goog parent to the courts and for your daughter she should be top priority. then maybe you can worry about getting your husband back. anyways goog luck.
Well, I doubt that you just FELL into a life of drugs. Most likely you were participating in destructive behaviors before you started using meth. You will have to prove to the judge that you are responsible and can hold a supportive and stable household for your dtr. If you can’t then the judge will award your dtr to someone who can. It’s that’s simple, and if you feel that you are still unstable don’t inconvenience your child, get your life together and then try for custody.
Oh, stop whining already! You are feeling betrayed? How do you think your husband feels? Here he is, on the brink of deployment to fight for his country, and he probably thought he had a reliable wife by his side who would keep things together at home while he was away. Instead, he had to get his mom to come look after your child. Of course he is not the man you married! Shock does that to people. And unless you were a pothead when you got married, you’re not the woman you were when he married you either. So knock off the Mother Theresa act. You found nothing wrong with bringing drugs into the home where your child was, and you’re wondering why he called the cops on you? I’m going to assume this is the drugs talking, you could not possibly be this clueless if you were sober.
The only chance you have at fixing this disaster is to make sure your rehab is not wasted. Get clean, no matter what it takes. That is the only way you might have a shot at keeping your family.
I agree good for you on making the first step for recovery by going to rehab.
Now that said, your husband has every right to call the MPs and CID on you if you are a military dependent. It is his life and career you are putting at risk by doing drugs. If you had gotten caught on base with drugs HE would be to blame as well as you.
And I don’t know about the restraining order, so I can’t comment about if you are violent or not but meth users can be violent so he may be right in that regard. And with children involved its better to be safe then sorry.
I don’t know if your husband still loves you. No one here would. All you can do is get yourself clean and stay clean. Not ask for help and then still have drugs months later. YOU should have made the first step by going to rehab when you first mentioned it to him. You should not have expected HIM to clean up your mess. You need to show him (and the courts as well) that you are clean working on getting your life back together and are stable and that you should have at least joint custody of your child. Don’t be surprised if you don’t have everyone’s trust right away.
As for the criminal record. Yes that will most likely stay on your record forever unless the judge sets a time limit before it would be expunged from your record.
Best of luck in rehab.
OK — first of all, no — your husband isn’t acting like a “partner” in your best interests – you’re right — he should have helped you get into rehab not given you a record, which by the way can be expunged. Are you going into a residential treatment? If so, you do need someone to watch your daughter while you’re there. Did you go to court to dispute the temporary restraining order? If it’s not too late you MUST go – he’d have to prove you threatened his life in order to be able to keep the temporary restraining order in place. Check with that court (there’s usually a free “help” dept. that will assist you and tell you how to proceed – sometimes they’ll even fill in the paperwork for you) — -boy, your husband is really messed up — let me tell you something — he has no intention of “working on” your relationship when he gets back from Iraq —- he may even try to sue you for spousal support. Usually the courts will really work with the mother in a situation such as yours to keep the child with her — you may have to do a lot of stuff in order to prove yourself What concerns me is you shouldn’t have these questions if you have a competent attorney —- he should have already answered them for you. I would suggest you quickly get on the internet and look up some women’s divorce help groups in your area — or you could look up under some battered women’s shelters in your area — they offer the best help in situations like yours since they deal with it on a daily basis — and in your particular area — and their services are usually free — and no, you don’t have to be necessarily physically battered in order to get their help. Good luck!
If you spoke for yourself in court, they would take your daughter in an instant. You can’t do anything right now but work on you. You are missing so much here. He stated that he loves you and will work on this when he gets back from defending our country. Is that why he was gone for 9 months? He sounds like a good father and husband to me. Maybe you’re not seeing things right because your view on things are distorted from your addiction. I know you may think your view is valid, but I don’t think it is. I don’t question that you love your daughter but that doesn’t mean you are fit to play that role, at least not right now. He said he would work with you later. He is someone you can depend on. Don’t screw that up too. He called the police, it seems harsh but I understand why.! You think he should have called rehab but he was also thinking of his daughter’s life. He was making a strong point. You were weak and made a mistake. You can correct his. You can get things right again if you smarten up. Most people wouldn’t be willing to stay with you and help. Listen to him, don’t assume you are right in any of this! When you are clean….really clean, then your words will count for something. You lost that “right” when you brought drugs into your home. I don’t mean to sound judgemental, but I will tell it like it is. You are fortunate to have a chance here. However you are NOT holding the cards. Simply put, PLEASE go get real help. Once you do, it appears that you can save your family. God bless
Sounds to me like your husband is finished w the marriage and is using your drug issue to play the situation to his advantage.
The criminal charges arent felony’s so be glad for that. Job only generally care if you have ever been convicted of a felony.
If CPS founded thier case against you that could be a bigger problem for you than the criminal charge, since you have worked w children. You most likely will not be able to run a daycare or work in one for many many years w that on your record.
As far as your child you are going to have to comply w your court ordered services. Once you have sucessfully completed your services you can file to have her returned. The court is going to want to know you are clean and they will take thier time w this to see if you relapse. If you are doing well once you are out of rehab you could petition for longer or unsupervised visits but they are not going to give her back to you full time right away.
Many you things you say in your post puts you on the right track. We all make mistakes. What matters most is your rehabilitation for the sake of your precious child and yourself. I hear you focus a bit on your husband, this is understandable. Keep in mind he is protecting your child. This is a good thing. Your acceptance of responsibility is great. Take it one step at a time. Do not overwhelm yourself in minutia.
take it one day at a time-get a sponsor-forget about your family-which will be very hard to do-let his people take the baby-you need to get your life together-yes your 2 year old will remember this cause his family will keep on telling her the truth that mom a drug addict-you made the choices to use now you got to sufffer the conquences-yes you mess up your record-you can get your record clean-but who want to leave their kids with an ex dope fiend-your not alone-billions of people are suffer with you-go to meeting-meet clean and sober people-i was suffer for over 25 years-got clean-got meetings-got family back-i got a life now-you can get one too-put down the pipe and pick up the big book-question-how can you love your husband and baby-when you dont even love yourself-you cant-go to a program-show the courts-show your husband-show your self-the courts will make you do this anyways-so your screw lady-do it for yourself-one day at a time-you will have bad days but in a program-people like you will be there for you-good luck god bless you and your family-from one dope fiend to another-